Mr Bush, you are going a bridge too far

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On October 26, 2002, I joined a demonstration in Amsterdam against preemptive military action against Iraq. That month, the United States Congress enacted the Authorization for Use of Military Force Against Iraq Resolution of 2002. I believed that the negatives of invading to remove Saddam Hussein would outweigh the positives. While he was indeed a brutal dictator, I questioned why we would destabilize an entire region.

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In the early 2000s, I didn't take many photographs. I had recently graduated but was uncertain about my future direction. In 2003, I moved to Busan, South Korea, for six months, but ultimately, I found myself back in Amsterdam.

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Bijlmerramp

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It is definitely a weird moment in life, the moment you realise your home is gone because a 747 jumbojet crashing into it. I survived by not being home. By the time I got home it was dark and the building was engulfed in bright orange flames. The smell of kerosine was everywhere. I couldn’t see my apartment on the 7th floor. I was suddenly homeless and without possessions. Neighbours were completely shell shocked.

I moved into apartment block Groeneveen 451 when I started my internship in Amsterdam with pop music photographer Rob Marinissen and documentary photographer Willem Diepraam in September 1989. Three years later on 4 October 1992 the airplane crashed when attempting to land with two of its engines torn off and malfunctioning hydraulics.

I had just graduated from the Royal Academy of Arts in The Hague (KABK) a few months before and this accident was a serious blow to my career as a photographer. In fact, after being in limbo for a year I decided to take a course in Cultural Anthropology at the University of Amsterdam. At that moment it was not clear how long I had to wait for financial compensation from Boeing and El-Al.

The real pain was realising the young children next door were dead.

In my basement I have a time capsule with newspapers from the week after the disaster, the original key to my door and the book ‘Een gat in mijn hart’ (a hole in my heart) with children’s drawings published shortly after. I will probably never open the time capsule.

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The EL-Al Cargo Boeing 747-200 registration "4X-AXG”, which crashed into the apartment block Groeneveen/Kruitberg in Amsterdam Zuidoost.

The EL-Al Cargo Boeing 747-200 registration "4X-AXG”, which crashed into the apartment block Groeneveen/Kruitberg in Amsterdam Zuidoost.

The accident had a great impact on children who witnessed everything.

The accident had a great impact on children who witnessed everything.

Reconstruction of the doomed flight

Model of moment of impact

Ayahuasquero

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I wouldn’t call my self an ayahuasquero but the first time I drank ayahuasca I spent an evening in the kitchen with my good friend, brewing this shaman’s drink ourselves. We bought some Banisteriopsis caapi containing several harmala alkaloids as a monoamine oxidase inhibitor (MAO) and dried leaves of Psychotria viridis containing N,N-Dimethyltryptamine (DMT). Alternatively you can use Mimosa hostilis as a DMT containing plant. These plants are all native to the Amazon rainforest and some beyond up to Mexico.

The end result was a bottle of a brown, muddy liquid tasting incredibly bad. We had no idea what the correct dose would be, so we drank enough for a violent out-of-body experience into hyperspace, fighting space aliens until death for many hours. This was self administered under a full moon in nature. I’m not even sure if I’m brave enough to repeat the experience at this moment in life.

The Peruvian painter Pablo Amaringo made an attempt to visualise his ayahuasca visions. I believe it’s quite difficult to relate the ayahuasca experience to anything known in our three dimensional experience. Especially when time itself dissolves and you are sucked into inner visions. I think the visions are a direct product of our brain and not a real spirit world, which exists outside of our mind. The human mind is quite amazing. There are doors to be openend.

Painting by Pablo Amaringo

Paintings by Pablo Amaringo

After my first experience I drank ayahuasca in a ceremonial, and controlled, setting several times. Jah Levi (his real name) organised ayahuasca evenings when he was living in Amsterdam in the 1990s. With Jah Levi the music was always good. I also tried a ceremony with the Dutch Santo Daime Church, a Brazilian syncretic religion founded by Raimundo Irineu Serra, a descendent of African slaves, soon after his first encounter with ayahuasca in 1914. I considered the Santo Daime ceremony too strict. I wasn’t even allowed to move my chair because it would block the ‘spirits’. Because I don’t believe in spirits outside the human mind I considered this silly. If I want to move the chair I will move the damn chair.

“We are knocking on the door,
and the door is open wide.
For all to step inside.
We’re going deep inside.

Let the music fill your soul.
Great spirit is in full control.
Let the music fill your soul..”
— Jah Levi - In This Reality
Not sure what year this photo of Jah Levi is dated. I spent some evenings in his little shop in De Pijp where he held his singing circles. Those evenings were quite magical.

Not sure what year this photo of Jah Levi is dated. I spent some evenings in his little shop in De Pijp where he held his singing circles. Those evenings were quite magical.

Basic structure of N,N-Dimethyltryptamine.

Basic structure of N,N-Dimethyltryptamine.

"Heyokah The Light Bearer" by Pavel Souviron CC BY-SA 4.0

"Heyokah The Light Bearer" by Pavel Souviron CC BY-SA 4.0